Welcome to the fourth instalment of Bad Movie Triple Bills, the section of the Wasteland reserved for films I watch that I kinda know I shouldn’t waste my time on, but just can’t keep my curiosity in check. This week we have a big budget flop, a promising (on paper) disaster and a low budget overachiever that isn’t nearly as good as some reviews would have you believe.
This is the worst kind of relatively big budget popcorn tease – the kind of film that knows its demographic will flood to it regardless of quality, so let’s not even bother trying to make it good. The first sign of this type is a script that is such gibberish you almost start to wonder if you are having a stroke, and Venom has that in spades! Just when you think you have a handle on it, off it goes on a tangent that has nothing to do with anything other than setting up the next CGI shot. Which is the second sign – CGI good enough to pass, but quite obviously not the cutting edge stuff we have already seen years ago in better films. Cheap and nasty. The third sign is a director that can bung a few thrills in the mix but has no care whatsoever for characterisation, pace, plot or sensible motivation. Well done Ruben Fleischer for being the first director to have two films included in my BMTBs, following Zombieland Double Tap – I really can’t split them. The only fun to be had here is watching Tom Hardy amuse himself with a comic book characature so far over the top it hurts. Michelle Williams and Riz Ahmed are horribly wasted and should be ashamed. Just awful stuff!
Decinemal Rating: 62
Oh no Duncan Jones! How are you managing that occasional trick of each subsequent film you make being inferior to your last? Moon was sublime, Source Code was pretty damn good, Warcraft: The Beginning (and end probably) was just about watchable, and Mute is… fucking dreadful! I don’t buy Alexander Skarsgård as a leading man at the best of times, but given this ridiculous premise, script and downright careless production value, he falls flat to a ridiculous, almost laughable degree. It looks pretty in parts, very shiny and HD, but is never believable as a reality. I mean the main character can’t talk, which could have been used interestingly with good direction, but is frankly annoying here. Paul Rudd has a blast as Cactus Bill, and is mostly forgiven. Look out also for Robert Sheenan (Klaus from the Umbrella Academy) in a blameless and interesting role as Luba. Very very minor cult status is possible for this a few years down the line, but not enough to save it from the gutter.
Decinemal Rating: 58
Probably the most interesting of the three here by some way, Upgrade comes at the angle of cybernetic amendments to human capability in an almost, but not quite, original way. It postures and ponders a lot of pseudo-science and cod philosophy before getting to the bits people are going mad for: the fight scenes, which are indeed jaw dropping, feel new and are brutally graphic enough to amuse even the most hardcore gamer. Trouble is… this makes it almost a torture-porn movie, because the only real thrills are in the grossness of the violence. The acting is of negligible importance, because character and plot are not that important to the success of Upgrade as a spectacle. It feels cheap and B movie grade in places, which of course it is. If you enjoy seeing impressive things done with less than a premium budget then this could be worth watching. But… there is a nastiness and a somewhat teenage / pothead vibe to it that ruins anything remotely good. It is also shamelessly derivative. Not bad then, but by no means good, or properly recommended.
Decinemal Rating: 64
Thanks for dropping by again. Leave your comments and any defence of these masterpieces of mediocrity below or on Instagram. See you all soon 😉 @thewasteland.art.blog
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